Once upon a time there was a GLG. If you know your ABCs, you’ll know that “GLG” stands for “Good-Looking Guy.”
The Good-Looking Guy was very handsome. For as long as he could remember, everyone would jump at the chance to help him. There was no greater reward than to make a GLG happy.
There was an elephant, and this elephant belonged to the GLG. The Good-Looking Guy doesn’t know his ABCs, so he thinks his elephant is an ephant.
The GLG also had a rattail. It was his best attribute. It got him into a lot of trouble, though.
His very favorite thing to do every morning was to go to the pond and stare at his reflection and marvel at his handsomeness. But this morning he was distracted by three deers on the clearing by the path on the hill.
There were three deers and one long plastic mesh fence as far as a deer eye could see. Beyond the fence was a crick and you could tell that the deers were thirsty by the way they longed for the water in the crick.
Two of the deers jumped over the fence with the grace of dainty geese. Over they went and the GLG watched. The third deer was too scared.
It became clear that the third deer was not scared. This deer was a teenager and not tall enough to jump over a fence. So the teenage deer ran back and forth alongside the fence, sad at the thought of crickwater. Each time running by the fence made the deer sadder, thirstier and more tender for the company of the other deers.
The GLG had an idea. Believe it or not, but nowhere in The GLG Handbook does it say GLGs can’t do good deeds. The GLG was going to wrap his rattail around the deer and fling it over the fence.
Imagine, a Good-Looking Guy flinging a teenage deer over a fence!
The three deers were reunited after the GLG finished his good deed.
Stopping to help an animal in need mad ethe sight of his reflection all the more spectacular. Something ached in the GLG’s heart, though. For the first time he wished he could have more than his GLGness. He wanted to be RESPECTED, by Jeeves!
And so he decided to become a violinmaker. He wanted to be the best violinmaker in all the land, or at least the most good-looking one.
The GLG went on a tour of the violin factory. It was a ride where you rode around in a little car shaped like a violin. There was polish, wood, and more wood because it was a violin factory.
Did you know that violin bows are made from horse hair? The GLG got out of his violin car in the bow room while the other tour guests continued. Good-Looking Guys are known to have a hobby of hair, of course.
The Good-Looking Guy got curious and walked over to the loom. But his rattail got stuck and he was lifed off the ground with a jolt!
A horse came to the GLG’s rescue and rode the GLG to safety away from the loom.
Never one to forget his manners, the GLG thanked the horse for saving him. But it didn’t take a safari guide to know that this wasn’t a horse.
“I don’t think you’re a horse,” said the GLG. “Yes I am,” said the elephant, who thought there was no such thing as elephants except in stories. “Well, whatever you are, you will be my pet. I am the GLG and your name will be Ephant.”
With a bugly harumph from the ephant’s trunk it was official. The Good-Looking Guy and the ephant would be pet and boss forevermore.
The GLG called upon the elephant to help him achieve his dream of becoming a violinmaker. If they worked together it would not be such a difficult dream, and there would be no stopping them.
Another bugly harumph and they were in business.
The GLG was nothing if not forgetful. When they set up their violinmaking shop, by accident their first violin was a ship and not a violin at all. Luckily, elpehants never forget. But this elephant was forgetful of being an elephant, and so too was forgetful of the forgetfulnesslessness that comes with being an elephant.
They had no other supplies, so they carried the violinship to the ocean and set sail. They were surprised at how welcoming the ocean was to an ephant and a GLG.
In the distance there was another ship. Surrounding it the water murkier than seawater, or crickwater, even. The GLG wondered what became of the deers who lived by the crick.
The ship came closer. It was the Vegetable Soup Viking, sailing the vegetable soup. The ship was a soup bowl. Now the murky water made sense. It was full of lentils, beans, potatoes and tamales.
The Good-Looking Guy wondered if he would still be you-know-what if he saw his vegetable soup reflection. Before he could imagine it in his mind’s eye, the Vegetable Soup Viking pulled out a contraption and it sucked air and before the GLG could say the Good-Looking Guy’s Oath, he was tangled around the soup bowl’s mast.
The ephant knew the only way to save the GLG was to abandon the violinship. Leaping from ship to ship, a helpful trunk stretched out, the ephant untangled the GLG and that was that.
“Thank you, Ephant,” said the Good-Looking guy, now safely on his pet’s back. But the Vegetable Soup Viking had a pet anteater and the anteater sprayed the Good-Looking Guy with a mighty spew of ants, the kind you see on a picnic. The GLG fell to the soup bowl ship’s deck.
Ephant sprayed the anteater with bees, and the anteater jumped onto the violinship. Yikes!
The Vegetable Soup Viking joined his pet anteater on the violinship. There they were: a VSV and an anteater on a ship that looked like a violin, and a GLG and an elephant on a ship that was actually a bowl of soup.
Good-Looking Guy took a peak at his reflection in the ocean. Sure enough, he was as gorgeous as he was before, even though some of his features were obscured by lentils, beans, potatoes and tamales.
Staring at the the vegetable soup made the GLG hungry, so he turned his hands into a spoon and reached in to have some of the soup. But GLGs are not as good at keeping their balance as they are at having sharp, crisp features and a smile to fill a room. The Good-Looking Guy fell in!
The ephant was hungry too. Instead of helping Good-Looking Guy, Ephant stuck a thirsty and hungry trunk into the vegetable soup. Ephant fell in, leaving the ship to drift farther and farther away.
Suddenly, right out of the blue, a deer on a flying machine flew into view. The teenage deer had grown up to be an inventor!
Using the GLG’s rattail as a rope, the deer rescued Good-Looking Guy and Ephant. They flew away to an island where they would spend the rest of their days, playing games and building things.
Believe it or not, but there is a lesson to be found in this fabulous tale: Always help a teenage deer, because it is only a matter of time before you and your pet elephant are stranded in the murkiest, soupiest ocean, hungry, thirsty and about to be gobbled up by vegetable soup.
Thank you for reading! Please share with a friend! -Greg