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Namedropper’s Disease

mp3 [9.42 MB] | Appears on Spring Cleaning

I’ve heard that story before
everything you say is about a friend of yours
eyeballs are glued to the floor
I can smell a lie from a mile away
why would I talk to you?
I don’t even know you
I won’t be your conversational fuel

I triangulate each yarn you spin
take the garbage out with the recycling
nobody knows where you’ve been
you’ll fib about just about anything
but let’s dwell on it
I’m not so delicate that I can’t handle a little stretch of the truth

you, you’ve got this disease
where all you wanna do is impress me
and I, I’ve got the cure
put a sock in it, darling

your kitten got stuck in a tree
that weeping willow’s your sworn mortal enemy
I save that feline for free
but] you’d take your chances on gravity
tossin’ them soup cans
blastin’ hard rock jams
but Mittens is as stubborn as a mule

you’ve got a Friend-Having Syndrome [FHS]
and it’ll turn to Namedropper’s Disease [if it goes unchecked] NDD
they should put you on a colony
and it’s giving me the doppleganger blues

you, you’ve got this disease
where all you wanna do is impress me
and fat lot of good it’ll do now but I’ve got the vaccine
just listen to yourself for once


Narcotic Signals

mp3 [4.65 MB] | Appears on Las Vegas or Bust

hormones pulled me in
what, then, could have kept me there?
I remember things I know never happened
all I got from her was resentment
and all I got from them was a hundred twenty-five too many blows to the head

when I think of her
the inside of my left leg twitches
it doesn’t matter
I’ll just go on like I was
I’ll admit I messed up good
that don’t make it better

I’m not some moron jock
I’ve tried to make that clear to her
we’re both nervous wrecks only she knows how to hide it
I could have sworn she said out loud that she was out of my league
I must have cooked it up in my palindrome brain

I’m pretty sure
she’s just tryin’ to make someone jealous
I shouldn’t talk though
I’m the one who sees this as a conquest
our intentions don’t line up
I can’t believe I met her mother

right before my eyes she turned into a circus freak
when the stun gun’s juice ran out I started making excuses
I said I can’t do that now
I got some ground beef and apple skins in in my teeth
she should have known I lost every single tooth in the ring

modern art isn’t always made to be looked at
and street performances aren’t always meant to be watched
it’s a cryin’ shame she had to go
she kept me out of trouble



Lyrics on numbers page

Ninja Whisky

mp3 [3.22 MB] | Appears on Music for a Snuff Film

teacher did bad things to me so I vandalized her room
and it was wrong but I was justified
a million accusations
she never mentioned me and I know why
she had too much to lose

I’ve found in desperate times, a drink is all I need
two shots and then you disappear
satisfaction guaranteed

the cops thought half a grand or so would get someone to talk but no one did
I never told my friends

there’s no interrogation room too small that you can’t fit a flask inside the door
my flesh is light as air
makes it hard to breath
when a stranger knows your first and middle name
that’s when you know it’s time to leave


New Definition of Torture

mp3 [12.8 MB] | Appears on Spring Cleaning

there’s a new definition of torture
it’s any job you’d rather not do
in a world of safety and comfort
it’s a badge of honor to have nothing to prove

you play your cards right it’s perpetual summer
strategically just travel abroad
from the Swiss Alps to the Tropic of Cancer

two days in you start to hallucinate
with the unshakeable feeling you’ve made a mistake
spitting your teeth out
pulling your hair
your captors stare through you as if you’re not there

you’d rather not make decisions, let alone think
a swift painless death would tickle you pink
safe passage to India by way of Japan
diplomats help if they can

here’s our best understanding of warfare
remote-controlled feathered robots
red against blue
toss out what you knew about statecraft
the rules you were trained on are no longer true
code of honor
honor among thieves
are you an asset or a human being?
or just a tourist sightseeing
a swashbuckling pirate
a swashbuckling pirate seeking booty of intel

so tell me what do you know about torture?
it’s thinly-veiled threats you may someday be sued
and whether or not you hear "see you in court"
it doesn’t matter if you’re not in the mood


North American Street Drugs

mp3 [3.43 MB] | Appears on Music for a Snuff Film

all your real friends move away
and then there’s nowhere else to turn
so you stick needles in your arm
and for a while everything’s okay

hey Mr. Surgeon, please tie me up
I’m tired and the drugs are wearing off
can’t you see?
I’m tearing at the seams

so you say we’ll meet again
and up until this moment you’ve never been so right
all the confusion’s in your head
you’ve lost my sympathy but I can’t quite tell you why

hey there stranger, please tie me off
got an iron constitution but the going’s getting tough
if I were you and you were me
I’d get myself a gun

just because I seem to care
doesn’t make it necessarily so
take me back to where I was
back before this whole nightmare began

I’m so weak
I must be sleeping


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