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I Belong in a Padded Cell

mp3 [4.2 MB] | Appears on Greg Reinfeld & the Opinionettes

I been crackin’ like a bell
put me in a padded cell
I don’t need to hurt myself anymore
I’m convulsing on the floor
rotting inside to the core
chemicals have hijacked my brain
once I had plans for the future
at 18 this town seemed so small
don’t let me sit near a window
I might be tempted to fall

went to Tightrope Walker’s Square
saw the homeless people there
crammed together balancing in the sky
dodging coins from passersby
distant voices shriek and cry
"get a job you freeloaders"
crowded as birds on a powerline
stagnant as bumps on a log
if one of them drops then they all will
tumbling down through the fog

I’m bound for an early grave
a chain is pullin’ me
and here’s why I won’t seek help
I’d wear my diagnosis like a badge


I Saw a Booty

mp3 [3.69 MB] | Appears on Poorest Almanac That Ever Lived

I saw a booty the size of Mount Rushmore
I saw a booty ask what a dick for
I saw a booty descending a stair
I saw a booty with a ribbon in its hair
I saw a booty that just won’t quit
I saw a booty as a Möbius strip
I saw two cheeks of a Panama Canal and two cheeks brand new on a long-lost pal

there was booty graffiti spray-painted white
I count booty for sheep when I can’t sleep at night
I saw a booty write a pop song
I smoke my hashish from a booty bong

I saw a booty write a song about a booty written by a booty in the form of a song
I saw a obstacle illusion three cheeks thick
I saw a booty starring in a buddy flick

I saw a booty make the honor roll
I saw a booty on a stripper pole
I met a booty at the meth lab
I saw a booty walking like a crab

I saw the word booty in my alphabet soup
then I saw a booty in my alphabet soup
I asked the waiter what’s it doing there
then the waiter turned into a booty

I saw a redneck booty call its grandmother mee-maw
I saw a booty arrested for breaking the law
I saw a booty on two sides of a seesaw
I saw a booty wearin’ a bra
I suck lemon-lime soda through a booty-shaped straw
I saw a baby booty go goo goo gah gah

I asked a booty out on a date
the booty said yes but then showed up late
I saw a booty geodesic dome
I saw two rabid booties less flesh than foam

I saw a booty make a booty call
I saw a booty at the Taj Mahal
you can’t teach a old booty new tricks
but once I saw a booty play Chopsticks

I saw a narcissistic booty in love with itself
I saw a ninja booty expert at stealth
look look look there’s a booty in my sideview mirror
it’s twice as big as it ought to appear
you can’t charge a booty with a capital crime
but you can fine a beatnik booty for a slant rhyme

I saw a booty the size of Mount Rushmore
I saw a moody teenage booty slam a door
I saw a booty just won’t quit
I saw a booty as a Möbius strip
I saw a booty write a pop song
a hundred thousand booties can’t be wrong
I saw a booty dodecahedron
I saw a booty think tank backtrack and spin
I saw a booty go under the knife
I saw a booty get a lease on life
I saw a booty
I saw a booty

Inveterate Shaker of Hot Butt

mp3 [5.14 MB] | Appears on Album, Overrated

inveterate shaker of hot butt
a benefit taker of costs cut
Confederate banker of jobs shut
an accurate faker of lost what
I met a rugmaker and got stuck
a better muckraker of tossed smut
a go-getter anchor of hostage slut
I’ll trade you a tray for a foxtrot fuck
a letter sent paid for by boss in a rut

Babe the Blue Ox stays in a jock’s hut
electorate waits for a flossed strut
belligerent neighbor but not drunk
deliberate danger of cross flunk
triumvirate manger of moss trunk
the illiterate stranger who caught junk
a delicate steak for a showoff monk
advocates shake for a cough drop cup
caught in the act with an all-purpose pup
soviet tanker in a mosque the size of a walnut
a litter of dogs from a robot mutt
you get what you pay for more often than not
twenty six acres twenty six papers Quakers shakers shakers shakers

It’s a Bean Sprout

mp3 [6.16 MB] | Appears on Album, Overrated

this ain’t a democracy
it’s a democratic republic
you ain’t a superhero
you’re a sidekick
knock knock
knock knock who
who’s there?
God who?
God fucking dammit open the door
God fucking dammit open the door
God fucking dammit open the door

oh my God, what’s that?
it’s a dump truck
oh my gosh, what’s that?
it’s a truck stop
oh my land, what’s that?
it’s a stopwatch
what a relief
it’s a bean sprout

here’s a mother dog golden retriever
why am I in the shower with my professor’s dog?
clearly I’m a prisoner of my own free will
choosing electives from the catalog
if it was Adam’s job to name the animals
was it the animals’ job to name God?
ghosts, ghouls and other ghosts and ghouls

cut the squawking, Canada geese
i don’t think you really want a piece
[of my bread]
of my bread
[of my head]
of my head
you’ve already been fed
that’s what i said

were cavemen cavemen?
they didn’t live in caves
were they ever clean shaven
without razor blades?
were cavemen ever women playing charades?
judging the men’s beards in New Year’s parades

what’s a trick question?
what did you say?
I said what’s a trick question?
that is, right?
no, that was a Zen koan
Zen who?
Zen fucking dammit shut the front
shut the door you’re letting the cold air in

gracious me, what’s that?
it’s a warthog
call 9-11, what’s that?
it’s hogwash
oh my land, what’s that?
it’s a washroom
what a relief
it’s a roommate

Lucifer Franklin had three guarantees
bad breath, taxes and fire brigades
Mount Vesuvius erupted and people fled Pompeii
the whole Roman Empire playing charades
the whole Roman Empire playing charades
one word, one syllable, dead

an old beagle was falling asleep
sucking on an onion with a straw
congeals through our memory and out through our mouths
onion syringes
onions like putty
putty in my hands
putty in my fingers
putty in my concept of what putty is

Anita Franklin is early to rise
before she goes jogging she stretches her thighs
stretches her thighs like a bean sprout
her thighs are a bean sprout bean sprout


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