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Viola Picking

mp3 [5.18 MB] | Appears on Spring Cleaning

we’re going viola picking
you should come along
it’s gonna be so much fun
meet you at the orchard
I’ll bring a map
you bring your burlap sack

you gotta watch out for the rat king whenever you go viola picking
he’s a certifiable classic movie star villain
mustache and cape
he hates anything smacks of chamber pop
his tastes skew more towards indie rock
his tastes are more catholic
more diverse than your by a longshot

violin’s too high
cello’s too low
bass is too big
viola’s just right
get ’em while they’re ripe
get ’em while they’re ripe
you gotta make sure they’re ripe, right?

134-month old daughter plays the violin
thrift shop baby
she died in the sand
what a tragedy
what a drag

steering clear of the rat king
vehicular clownslaughter
we had a row but I was victorious
I shoved a viola in his face

vinegar ink oboe love able
a duchess a carousel
flying buttress
a cradle
living vicarious through zeroes and ones

cross between a trumped-up scavenger hunt and hide-and-go-seek
my arch-nemesis is a covetous sneak
I hate him
with his anti-viola ways he’s got another think coming
that impostor
dumb it down, he says
no orchestral frills
violas are the cause of society’s ills
that’s why I’m viola picking



mp3 [2.98 MB] | Appears on Music for a Snuff Film

who would win in a fight?
Steve Shay or Steve Shay?
Shay’s in the black shorts with the white trim
Stevey’s standing next to him

some dogs bark but don’t bite
talking trash won’t help you win
shay’s got his mouth guard on
Stevey doesn’t want one

who would win in a fight?
you should put your money down
Shay’s got a killer right hook
Stevey’s got a glass jaw
take him out


Vladimir Scott Key

mp3 [5.34 MB] | Appears on re-Itori Pleads the 18th Dimension

Langley, Virginia, 1973
somebody had a grudge against Francis Scott Key
somebody had a grudge against Joseph McCarthy
a grudge against United States being free
Soviet spy sent a dispatch to every single American sports team
believe it or not, what follows is from a Company employee
on the payroll as an agent but loved Russia more than money
he loved Mother Russia like a honey bear
American sports fans beware
here’s what he wrote:
gentlemen, we’re in a real pickle, in a manner of speaking
The Star-Spangled Banner needs some lyrical tweaking
so have these new words sung before each game
see the enclosed

I’m ashamed to live in a country like this
where the haves and have-nots are so distant and hateful
where we worship a flag that’s symbolic of I forget what
and we win all our wars except the wars that we don’t win
and the wealth of the few keeps the masses confused
if they just work hard maybe they’ll get rich too
I’ve been brainwashed so long I don’t know what I believe in
but it’s a wavy piece of cloth and it’s red, white and blue


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